


A Court Of Confessions

by Illyrianwitchling



Series: Mutual mixtape [6]
Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: 1k celebration, Confessions, F/M, Light Angst, Minor Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Nesta and feelings are not something that go hand in hand, Smut, a dabble of fluff, and understanding, flirty banter, mention of Tomas - Freeform, mutual mixtape, nessian-freeform, summertime in paris, ugh why is Cassian just so damn perfect, who is a cheating ass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:41:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26047441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illyrianwitchling/pseuds/Illyrianwitchling
Summary: Nesta pursed her lips, toying with the edges of the white sheet. Cassian knew whatever thing she was truly holding up. Whatever fear of upsetting him was coming. He braced himself for the storm.
Relationships: Nesta Archeron/Cassian
Series: Mutual mixtape [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1889401
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41





	A Court Of Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> written for my 1k celebration, Mutual Mixtape  
> song: Summertime in Paris- Jaden  
> requested by: Maastrash

Summertime was meant to fall in love. That’s what Cassian believed based on what he’s seen. He watched Rhys fall madly in love with Feyre two years ago during the season at this very beach house he was at. A year into that relationship he met Feyre’s older sister Nesta. It didn’t take him long to fall head over heels for her. He thought it would be his turn. Until he met her asshole boyfriend, Tomas. 

Being the respectful man that he is, Cassian opted for friendship. He knew the moment her sea storm eyes met his that he needed her in his life. He’d rather be her friend than nothing at all. Now she has been single for the better part of a month. 

Nesta sat across the deck from him as dusk settled in behind the crashing waves. A harmonious blend of oranges, reds, and purples painted the sky. The kind you’d see in a movie before a romantic kiss. Perhaps that could be them. If she only gave him the time of day again.

Before her breakup, Nesta suddenly kept her distance from Cassian. When she acknowledged him, it was with disdain. He didn’t understand the change in her towards him. It almost felt like a summer romance. Minus the romance part. He assumed it dealt with the loss of her father. Then her breakup happened. Cassian texted her. letting her know he was there. She dismissed him altogether. His heart ached from it. He let it alone. Figuring she was working through the pain. 

Some girls ate cookie dough and watched cheesy chick flicks. Others became cold and buried themselves in books. Cassian watched her read. A glass of wine on the side table next to her. Her eyes scanning intently at the pages before her. The warm summer breeze brushing through the strands of her hair. Falling from her braided crown. Cassian watching her body shiver as the wind ripped through her. Such simple motions and habits. Yet with Nesta and only her, it made his heart race and beat wildly. He wanted to sit next to her. Keep her warm in his arms. Maybe undo and redo her braids while she talked about her book and why she found it so intriguing.

He missed those days where she stayed up all hours of the night talking to him about her books. He’d tease her about the characters, her ships, and said she was only in it for the smut. It always resulted in a fuck you Cassian, In his true fashion he would reply the same way every time, Only if it’s you, sweetheart. Which garnered in the sweetest sound he’d ever heard, her laughter, it was like a drug to him. He would overdose on it if he could. Now, she looked up at him with a stone-cold glare and he doubted he’d ever hear that sound from her again.

“What?” she snapped, shutting her book as Nesta stood, “I can’t read when you’re looking at me like that.”

Cassian shrugged, resting his arms on the back of his bench, “You’re gonna have to be more specific than that sweetheart. Enjoy your smut?”

“You know there’s more in these books,” her cheeks flushed slightly as she spoke.

“I did, but then you cut me out of your life. For no reason at all,” a look of shock struck her face followed by hurt. Shit. he could have had a conversation with her, instead, she was heading to the door, “Nes wait.”

Cassian jumped up crossing the deck in quick strides reaching for her hand. She turned at the action trying to fight against his strength. He had her back into a wall. Her brows pressed tightly together, lips pursed out in anger as her teeth bit into her bottom lip. He was mere inches from her fighting the urge to rest his hand over her hips. Gods he wanted to claim her mouth in the worst way. With that feral look in her eyes, he was sure she’d kick him in between his thighs. Or smack him across the face.

“Let me go Cass,” Nesta demanded, speaking through gritted teeth.

“No. Tell me why you changed. Why did you cut me out?”

Nesta tried to look anywhere but his full lips that he kept working in anticipation. Or his hazel eyes that shined with agony. She couldn’t tell him the truth of what happened. If he knew that Tomas cheated on her, He’d leave this beach house right now and beat the shit out of him. Among other things. If he knew the why Tomas started and that her ex was right, well that scared her even more.

The sheer intensity of how much she cared for Cassian could knock someone on their feet. According to Tomas, he seemed to know it from the moment Cassian and Nesta shook hands. It was Cassian this and Cassian that. Instead of letting Nesta go, he kept her and bed other women. For a month she blamed her friend for the demise of her relationship. If it wasn’t for his easy to talk to nature, his charm, and how he sensed what she needed. Nesta would’ve never found herself in the predicament she had.

Over the past month, once Nesta sorted through her feelings, she realized this was all blessing. It was Cassian she wanted. He kept her from the broken shards in her mind. Where Tomas only said sorry babe. Cassian listened to everything. He was a soothing lullaby of comfort whereas Tomas was a loud crescendo.

She meant to explain things to Cassian here at the beach house. Every time there was a chance, someone was there. Nesta found it best to keep her distance or stay cold with him until there was a moment. Now he had her pinned against the wall. She contemplated dropping her book to the floor and wrapping her legs around his waist. It seemed Cassian had the same type of idea. He’s been flexing his hand near her hip, like all he wanted was to curl his palm on it and bring her close. Nesta hesitated for a moment before splaying a hand on his chest. Feeling the way his heart raced for her.

“Nes..” his voice was low and pleading. She’d never heard someone so vulnerable, “We were friends. We spent all day talking and joking. and now..” he sighed moving in closer. Inch by inch testing how close she’d let him get. He was close enough for their noses to touch and breaths mingle, “Just whatever I did I’m sorry. When I’m not with you I feel awful. This is killing me.”

Nesta held his gaze. Cassian was so close she could count the flecks of green in his eyes she was sure of it, “I..you’re going to hate me-”

She was cut off by the sounds of giggles coming from the beach below the deck. Cassian turned his head to see who was coming up the stairs. That moment cost him, Nesta. Slipping free of his weakened grip and running into the house. Rhysand came up the steps carrying Feyre on his back. As she laughed against his shoulder blade. When they reached the deck he let her down. Both of them looking back at Cassian, his face locked in both annoyance and frustration.

“Nesta?” Rhys asked collapsing onto the very bench Cassian sat minutes ago. Feyre sat next to him leaning against his chest.

Cassian didn’t answer. He was so close to finding out the reason and if he wasn’t crazy, he knew she reciprocated at least a semblance of what he felt. Given Nesta’s private nature, he knew the minute he heard Feyre laughing any confession would wait. He was done with waiting. His hand reached for the door.

“Cassian,” Feyre spoke up, “Give her time. What happened with Tomas…”

His anger trumped anything when he turned to face the all too happy couple, “I have. I don’t know what happened with him and what my role was in it. Until you two came back I almost…”

“You,” Feyre cut him off.

“What about me?”

“She’s going to be pissed, I told you. But longing from both of you is just sad at this point,” Rhys looks inclined to agree, “You are the reason for her breakup. Nesta’s affection turned to you, not Tomas. All of her free time was you. He was jealous and to get back at her, he cheated. She found out. He told her he only cheated because of you, which I doubt.”

“What you’re saying is she’s mad at me for inadvertently causing her breakup.”

“That brother is exactly what she’s saying.” Rhys chimed in.

“Great. Thanks,” he swung the door open moving inside the beach house.

Ignoring the wait, Cass he heard as the door shut behind him. Clearly, they weren’t that desperate to stop him as he reached the staircase, glancing over at them deep in conversation outside. Holding a feeling they decided to stay out there for a good reason. 

He hurried up the steps taking them two at a time. After what Feyre told him and Nesta’s actions, Cassian couldn’t let this go. A part of him had a half mind to leave. Find that cheating prick and give him a beating he rightly deserved. Nesta and this conversation came first. Feyre’s little speech clicked everything in place. She pushed him away out of anger from the situation. The question rattling his mind was why. Unless she felt the same. He wasn’t that lucky. 

Luck was for people like Rhys who found love in the summer without much struggle. Him, much with everything else seemed like a battle. This was a fight he didn’t want to lose. Cassian would revert to friends if that’s what she wanted. If that’s the path she wanted then so be it. Romantic or platonic he only wanted her in his life. He would take whatever bit she gave him. If Nesta truly wished him away forever, he was sure that battle would destroy him.

Approaching the door he knocked harder than intended. Silently thankful everyone, but the lovebirds outside, went to Rita’s down the block for the night. She opened the door right after the knock like she’d been expecting him. Nesta stepped aside allowing him in her room. Shutting the door closed, Cassian could’ve sworn she locked it. Turning around, he resisted the temptation of his jaw-dropping, opting to clench instead. Praying his manhood wouldn’t betray him, given her state of dress, she was definitely challenging it.

Her braided hair undone, falling in soft sunkissed waves that settled against the sun tanned skin. Nesta wore a sheer robe colored as blue as the sea mere feet away. He’s seen her in bikinis time and time again. Seen her in sports bras when he dragged her to the gym months ago. There was something so much more intimate about seeing her in a night robe thin as glass, lacy underthings a darker shade than the robe. He fought the urge to glance down at the swell of her breasts, that were so tempting and begging for his touch. Cassian swallowed thickly, his throat bobbing nervously before he asked.

“Is it true?” her brow arched, “What Feyre said about your relationship. That I was the catalyst?”

She blinked thrice before muttering out, “Damnit Feyre,” Nesta kept her ground as he stalked forward.

“Nes, sweetheart, please. You know I’m not the begging type,“ his voice was a gentle lover’s caress.

Unexpectedly, she shimmied out of the robe. He watched it pool around her feet. She was making this and other things impeccably hard. 

"I’d rather just kiss you,” Nesta confessed, “ and talk later.”

“Okay”

A fool. He was a fucking fool. His brain short-circuited closing the distance between them, claiming her mouth in the process. This was a distraction he knew it. He didn’t care. The waiting and wanting to feel her lips slide over his for so long consumed him entirely. Her confession was a burning flame and he was the moth. Unable to resist. Fisting a hand into her chestnut tresses, soft strands weaving in between his fingers as he pushed her gingerly against the pale yellow wall. Next to one of those tacky beach sunset pictures. She tugged at his tank, breaking free of his lush lips only to discard the fabric and once again his mouth devoured hers, Palms splayed against the solid muscles of his tattooed chest.

Nesta could have sworn she felt his heart racing beneath his chest. While her hands worked their way up to his neck, ears, to the knot of hair on his head. With a slight tug of the band, freeing his onyx shoulder-length locks. She wanted to enjoy and bask in the pleasures she knew awaited her. Before she opened up to him. Fearing he would become upset and walk away from Nesta. 

She needed him like this at least once in her life. Memorize how he dominated over her mouth, tongue bursting through the seams tangling with her own. She could feel the command in how his mouth moved hungrily over hers. Losing himself in the taste of her lips. She felt him sucking at her bottom lip. Nesta would return the motions. They were in sync already and had barely begun.

Nesta was willing to give him all of her. Body, mind, and soul. She silently hoped for once in her life, when she opened up the person would stay. Though she doubted it. She wanted to remember how he felt. The heat of his body, the way his muscles rippled under her touch when she draped her hands to his shoulder. He gripped her hair tighter, tilting her head, angling it just so as that plush mouth of his moved down her neck. His tongue running along her pulse point as he sucked on her skin until the color changed to a purplish hue. 

Her hips squeezed around his thighs, Breasts brushed up against the solid form of him. Nesta felt his hand move over the lacy band to her back, expertly fondling with the clasps. The tip of his nose grazed her collarbone. The straps of the bra fell and she flung the damned thing to the ground. He pushed himself against her, She could feel the length of him pressing into the wetness that coated her panties. Securing her between himself and the wall his hands moved to the generous size of breasts. Filling his palms with the soft mounds, a keen moan passed her lips as he worked the delicate tissue, rolling her nipples between his thumb and forefingers.

The heat of his mouth trailed down to her breasts. Taking one in his mouth. Teeth grazing the tender flesh as he sucked. Nesta moaned in delight feeling his tongue swirl and flick at her hardened nipple. The heat was curling in her abdomen with every seductive touch and sweep of that delectable tongue. Toes curled against his hips driving him into her. At the same time, her hands threaded through coal locks pushing him into her chest while he moved to the other breast. He was as close as he could be and yet it wasn’t enough. 

Cassian seemed to understand her plight. Hands gripping her pert ass carrying Nesta to the bed. The mattress groaned as the two fell into it, Cassian breaking away from her chest. Eyes locked on to hers. Those stunning blue-greys brimming with lust and need for him. Cheeks tinted pink, lips swollen from hungry kisses. He smirked seeing the colorful marks he made on her beginning to form. Drinking in the sight of her, splayed before him on the bed. Bare except for the thin band of fabric on her hips. Covering her cunt, he could tell she was soaked. Smelled the sweet heady arousal from her. It drove him insatiably wild with need. His blood was like a live wire underneath. Nesta switched positions crawling towards him.

His predatory gaze wild with need watched as she made her way to him. Though he had the primal look, he knew it was Nesta the hunter and Cassian was merely the prey. With how her tongue ran over her lips and a wicked glint in her eyes like he’d never seen. Like she was going to eat him alive. And fuck he would let her too. Anything she wanted now, or forever he would give her. 

Hands gripped his belt working to free it from the loops as she snaked her way up. Capturing his mouth with hers. Lips conforming to his, it was the sweetest poison. Cassian’s belt fell to the floor with a thud. Nesta flicked the button, tugging the zipper, he kicked the shorts off as they fell away. She slides her hand passed the band of his boxers, seeking the treasure beneath. He curled an arm around her waist while Nesta wrapped her hand around the hardened length of him. Pumping him in painfully slow strokes. Hips bucking involuntarily thrusting into her palm. A deep, throaty groan passed his lips, vibrating against hers.

She broke away from his mouth, peppering kisses up his cheek and to his ear, “I want these,” her other hand touched his boxers, “Off. Now,” she breathed hotly against the lobe of his ear. Her voice breathless and ragged yet commanding.

Gods this woman would be his undoing. He obeyed, sliding out and tossing the unwanted fabric as Nesta continued pumping him, switching between long, slow strokes, and quick, fast ones. Running a thumb over the sensitive, glistening head. She pressed her lips firmly against his, before lowering herself keeping her eyes fixed on his.

Cassian watched her under that hooded wanton gaze. She rolled her tongue out running it along his shaft, swirling around from the tip to the base and back again. The moment her plumped lips wrapped around his cock and her cheeks hollowed out taking him in her mouth, it was like a dream coming to life. Fuck maybe he was dreaming He’s pleased himself to this visual, this heavenly image hundreds of times. The reality of it, the sensation of that sweet warm mouth over his manhood and the way she moaned with each suck vibrating on his member. Cauldron he could come right then and there. If she kept going he would.

Cassian threw his head back, biting back a moan, winding his fingers through her honeyed locks. Shutting his eyes and losing himself to the feel of her. Focusing on the sucking noises that filled the room. He bucked against her lips. When the heat of her palm stroked at the base of him and her mouth at the head, Cassian couldn’t fight against it much longer. Her tongue working in fast swirls, the vibrations of her moans growing more intense as the heat in his belly spread rapidly through his body, like a wildfire.

Nesta glanced up at him, hair framing her strong features, hollowed cheeks in a rosy hue as she continued sucking him off, Her eyes marbled in swirls of blue and grey were blown wide in burning passion. Watching Cassian under her lids and thick lashes. The way his chest rose and fell rapidly, His breaths coming in quickened pants. She knew he was close, increasing her ministrations for Cassian to chase his high.

“Fuck Nes,” he breathed out in ragged breaths, fingers twisting in her tresses gripping the strands, “ I’m gonna come,”

A few more deep thrusts and he spilled into her, coating her mouth in the salty taste of him. Nesta remained sucking him through his orgasm, swallowing every bit of him. Cassian swore he saw stars as the intense pleasure of ecstasy moved through him. With a slick pop, she came off his cock, running her tongue along the seam of her mouth. 

He didn’t waste a moment pushing her down to the bed, devouring her mouth with his. All tongue and teeth. Nothing sensual or tender. All primal as he tasted his salty come still on her lips. Before Nesta could grip his onyx locks or shoulders, he was moving down the voluptuous shape of her body, Tugging off her bottoms in one fluid motion.

“My turn sweetheart,” he winked. 

She smirked her heated gaze dancing with a challenge, “Show me what that tongue of yours can do,” she crooned.

The smoothness of his lips met the soft flesh of her inner thigh. Peppering kisses till he reached her aching core. Latching on to her soaked folds, inhaling the tangy scent of her sweet arousal. Mother above. He could die at this moment happily. Keeping his darkened gaze on her, Cassian matched her movement from earlier. His tongue made a long stroke over her clit. Mouth sucking on juices, swirling his tongue into her sensitive bud, the tip of his nose burying into the top of her womanhood. Grabbing her legs, he tossed them over his shoulders. Immersing himself into her cunt. He could already feel her legs entwining behind him and her toes curling against his slick back. His hands trailed up to her breasts squeezing the soft tissue.

Nesta felt the pressure in her abdomen, that pleasurable fire as it rose and rose to ready and spill. To sending her over the edge. Rolling her hips against his face while her hands joined his fondling her breasts. Hers on the top, his at the base them. Gods. Was this what she was missing out on all the time? She could have had this instead of..instead of whatever the hell his name was.

She could only think of one name on repeat Cassian, Cassian, Cassian. She thought it was only the voice in her head. Till she felt the heated chuckle against her folds. Nesta knew the prayer-like way of his name wasn’t from her mind. But vocally from her swollen lips.

Nesta chose to bask in the pleasure and the feel of his mouth and his tongue selfishly exploring her womanhood. Instead of the worry of what was to come. They were barreling towards it and she wanted to let go and lose herself in him beforehand. His mouth, fingers, and other delicious parts of him. She wanted to savor it all. To stop the flow of time and just be her and Cassian.

Watching him devouring her like it was his last meal. Her hands moved through the thick inky strands of his hair. Nails raking along her scalp guiding his face over her heated core. His tongue lapping up her arousal, relishing in the sweet taste of her. His cock was stirring back to life. As her breathless, mewled moans bounced off the walls rising in pitch with each stroke of his tongue and each rough grasp of his fingers into her breasts. She was beginning to writhe against him, moans growing louder and more intense. He didn’t want her to come. Not yet. He wanted to feel her coming on his cock. The thought alone, her sounds, and the heady aroma were enough to make him painfully hard once more. He needed to bury himself in her. 

Nesta whimpered at the loss of contact, “Cassian,” she breathed out in a rasp, “please.”

He stood before her pumping his cock, once twice. Desperately he wanted to tease her. Cassian was sure they’d have time for that later. Fully nude before him, her sex glistening, eyes dark and smoldering. Hair unbound wildly around her. The marks from his nails and mouth on her body. She was beautiful in every sense of the word. And she was his. Maybe he was lucky after all.

Bringing his cock to her clit, he stroked against her before aligning with her entrance. Both of them moaning at the contact as he pushed inside her. Cassian gave her a moment adjusting to the length of him. Her velvet walls conforming to him. She fit him like a glove. Like she was perfectly crafted for him. It was enough to make him combust. Nesta wriggled her hips against him. He thrust deep into her, pushing into that sweet rough spot. Settling his mouth on her neck, Cassian left more colorful bruises in his wake. Making his way up to her mouth. 

Nesta angled her legs further apart, throwing one over his leg. Giving Cassian room to plunge deeper into her. Filling her up with all of him. Her arms wrapped around his neck pulling him fully onto her. Crashing his mouth into her own. Her teeth tugged and pulled at his bottom lip. He growled in pleasure against the motion. Fingers winding themselves once more in his sweaty strands. She deepened the kiss opening her mouth as he shoved his tongue in, like a wave crashing on the sandy shores. Their tongues mingled and danced with each other. She could feel his teeth grazing her lips. His hips slapped against her roughly. The mattress groaned under the weight and motions. The room filled with the heady scents and audible moans of their lovemaking. The only thing mattering at this moment was them and the sensation of their bodies joined as one.

“Harder,” she panted bringing her legs up. He thrust harder, causing her to bounce and dig her nails into his shoulder, “mm fuck.”

“Hard enough sweetheart?”

“You know I oomph,” he thrust into her again, “love a challenge”

He pulled out, slamming back into her. Taking Nesta fully to the hilt as she arched her back. Repeating the process over and over. She was an intangible mess, succumbing to a heady bliss of their bodies moving in sync with each other. How rugged, toned muscles moved under her palms with each deep push of his hips. Hitting that tender spot that made her body sing in blissful ways. She didn’t want this heavenly ecstasy to end. 

Her body shaking and writhing coming undone beneath him at rapid speed. Somehow he managed a hand on her clit, his thumb working fast ministrations as he kept up his speed. She tried to move a hand down desperate to keep the aching pleasure going. Cassian grabbed her wrist shoving it back into the tangled sheets. His fingers slipping across her sweaty palm, joining their hands together. Keeping her pinned down, allowing her to fully be his at the moment. His movements were becoming faster and sporadic chasing their highs. He leaned over kissing her lobe.

“Come for me sweetheart,” she felt the heat of his breath trail over to her mouth. 

He stayed there, lips parted, heavily panting. Nesta reached up cupping his cheek. The burning look in his hazel eyes sparkled with love. His forehead rest against her own. She moaned out taking his lips again as her hips shook and she let the fire in her abdomen consume her wholly as she hit her high with such intensity, her vision blurred. Her walls tightening around his cock feeling her arousal coat him as she milked him of his own. Spilling deep inside her.

Cassian removed himself rolling off her body. They both laid there in easy silence, letting the cool ac touch their hot, sweat riddled bodies as the caught their breath. 

“That was…”

“Yeah…”

“Better than your smut books?”

“Much”

It was all could she muster to say.

Cassian reached for her hand. Nesta squeezed tightly. Never wanting to let go. The thought already settled in her mind once again. She’d have to tell him. And he was never going to speak to her again. She knew it, but at least they had this moment. This one fragment of a summer romance. If one beautiful moment could even be considered that. 

He was silent for a long time and Nesta hoped he fell asleep. Then she felt the mattress move and his hand leave hers. She looked over watching his all too perfect nude form grab a towel. Cassian moved to her side of the bed, gently dabbing away their combined juices off her.

“I.. uh I wasn’t too rough was I?” He asked full of worry and sheer awkwardness. Nesta couldn’t say if the awkwardness was from the question or from bouncing to sex instead of information he deserved to know.

“No. and besides I asked for it.”

He looked up grinning at her, “True.”

Cassian finished wiping them off, tossing the towel and sitting back on the bed. Nesta grabbed a sheet wrapping it around her body. There was no more delaying this.

“I owe you an explanation.”

“About the sex?” he teased meeting her eyes full of thought and worry, “Nesta I know you. Better than you think. You’re not big on opening yourself up. The sex as great as it was, was to relax you and collect your thoughts. Since Feyre-“

“Feyre doesn’t know the whole story. I-” Her fingers through her messy strands, “Cauldron you’re going to hate me..”

“Nes..”

A sigh fell off her swollen, kissed lips reaching for the nightstand pulling out a paper, he didn’t recognize at first. Nesta handed him the paper. Cassian started to read it, a ghost of a smile recalling the memory as Nesta began to speak, “You remember this roughly three months ago? When my father passed, and I had a huge fight with Tomas because he didn’t show. So I called you,” he nodded, unsure of where she was going with this, “We were drunk and on a cocktail napkin you wrote the dumbest poem that made no sense,” she continued, “You handed it to me saying surprise I wrote you a poem.”

Reading it over he wasn’t even sure what the hell he wrote.

_Drip drop on my neck, that’s octopus_

_Hang on me baby, like fungus_

_Sit on the couch read smut and watch the story crescendo_

_Kiss me while I play Nintendo_

“In my defense, it rhymes and I was drunk,” he fixed her a pointed looked, “this isn’t a cocktail napkin.”

“Observant,” she rolled her eyes, “I read that stupid poem. Everyday. I kept it right by my side and it kept me. No. You kept me from my dark place. It gave me comfort. I could picture that night. You and your laughter.” 

She didn’t mention remembering the way he drunkenly shuffled his feet on that sticky bar floor when Nesta asked about the kissing line. He coolly said it was there for amusement. Unless she wanted to. Even as she playfully hit him, Nesta never forgot the look that made her insides ached and turn everything around, he meant it. He would have kissed her that night and any other night.

He did remember.

Remembered how her walls fell down for him the way they did when it was just them. Her eyes red and stained with the aftermath of tears. How badly he wanted to rip Tomas apart when he should have been there for Nesta. How badly Cassian wanted to make her world better. So he made up some words that made no sense sprinkling a little truth in between. It worked. She laughed and they danced the night away at the club a few blocks down. He didn’t want to go home that night. Unless he could stare in her eyes. Getting lost in them until he let sleep take over. In the end, that night they went their own ways. Shortly after she began to distance herself. 

Nesta pursed her lips, toying with the edges of the white sheet. Cassian knew whatever thing she was truly holding up. Whatever fear of upsetting him was coming. He braced himself for the storm.

“I struggled with my feelings and had to keep you away. For my relationship. So I stopped talking to you. I was..well I was a bitch to you. And um,” she blinked away tears that were forming. Her heart thundering so loudly she swore Cassian heard it. He didn’t, he did hear the sob that escaped as she continued, “ I hated myself for it. I started hating you for getting past my defenses. Past what my boyfriend could. Still, I read that stupid fucking poem. So much that I ruined the napkin and wrote it on that, “ pointing to the paper in his hand, “I had a revelation one day. If I could be open with you. I could be open with Tomas. Tell him I thought of kissing someone else. What an idiot I was.”

Cassian stayed quiet, watching her switch attention from the sheet and him. He laid a hand on hers.

“He was in bed with another woman when I went to his place.”

Cassian gripped her hand tighter. Attempting to control the rage in his body. She continued her story. If the tears escaping trailing down her face bothered her, Nesta didn’t seem to care. He watched her intently recall the explosive fight. How Tomas knew she’d held secret feelings for Cassian. In the way, her face lit up when Cassian called or how Nesta fretted over her outfit and took her time getting ready just for drinks with him. Tomas instead of letting her go decided on games with her heart. Having been cheating on her for the better part of eight months, “I wanted to call you, be in the security on your arms, but I couldn’t. I was angry at everyone involved. Angry at myself. At Tomas, “ Nesta held his gaze, “and you for ruining everything. I regretted our friendship.”

“This brings us to the past month,” she let out a breath, “I took what Tomas said to heart about you. Instead of confronting you, I pushed you further away. Then I talked to Feyre and Elain.”

She went on about telling her sisters everything about Cassian. All they did was knowingly smile at her. Stating it was about time. Encouraging her to go on their summer beach trip and see him. Talk to him and tell him. For once, Nesta didn’t mind Feyre’s meddling. When she told her since abruptly dropping Cassian, he was a mess. Only the people close to him saw the broken man that laid under lazy grins and quipped remarks.

“And I know you’re angry and you’re going to leave. What I did was unfair to you. Cassian you know I never say these words, but I’m sorry.”

“I need you to stop talking.” he let go of her hand.

Here it comes, she thought, and Nesta braced herself for pain coming for her heart. 

It never came. Cassian shifted on the bed. Wrapping his strong arms around her, pulling her flush to his solid chest. Nesta leaned into the touch. She closed her eyes inhaling the earthy woodsy scent that was so him mingling with the aftermath of their joined bodies. Listening to his steady heartbeat

“I thought you were the practical Archeron,” he teased. Nesta huffed out a response, “Am I annoyed that you didn’t just talk to me? Yeah. but Nes,” Cassian pulled away just enough to cup her cheek, run a thumb along where a dry stain of tears had been, “I’m not leaving you. I never would. My heart belonged to you the moment I saw you. I walked a path I believed would end in heartbreak. What you did was natural. You had someone and you did what you thought you needed too.”

His lips brushed hers, Slow and tentative pouring a year’s worth of pinning into the kiss, "I was just going through life until you,” his nose brushed against hers, “You made my existence worth living. I’m yours.”

She kissed him back, the same way he did her. Nesta pushed him down. Her body settling over his hips.

“This went better than expected. I thought you’d leave. Like most people do.”

Cassian gripped her thighs, “Sweetheart, when will you learn. I’m not like everyone else,” he paused for a second, “You should thank Feyre for her meddling you know.”

Nesta laughed, Cassian’s heart flipped at the sound as she leaned over, “Maybe,” Capturing his lips. 

Both of them aware that being without the other was a place neither wanted to be.


End file.
